15 Minutes of Fame

Cocaine nose and trendy clothes. That’s what Paige was known for around Hollywood. Her dad was a mega hotelier so she had a very good, very wealthy upbringing. At too young of an age, Paige began meddling with substances with her friends at parties. Ah, the parties. There were so many of them: film premieres, award ceremonies, club openings, restaurant openings. You name it, she was there. Paige never turned down an invitation. But being a socialite wasn’t all it seemed. I mean, sure, she had a glamorous lifestyle and she had just wrapped filming of the second season of her reality TV show No Paige Unturned, but she just wasn’t happy. Not that anyone really knew that. No one knew that she was really just your average Josephine, an uninteresting person, boring. Around town she was known as the life and soul of the party. LA was a small place so everyone knew everyone which meant that everyone also knew your business. All of it.

Maybe that’s why it all spiralled out of control. She thought she had it under control. So what if she did lines of coke every night. And every day. I mean seriously, did her dad really need to be so dramatic and force her to go to rehab after learning that she was found slumped in an alleyway near Chateau Marmont. Of course, she flunked out. What was she supposed to do, the place was full of junkies. And she was not a junkie. She just needed a little something from time to time. All of the time. Her friends did much worse she was sure of it. Only her friends didn’t have a major reality TV show, which by the way got cancelled after the second season. They didn’t want to renew her contract as it would look “bad for the network”. Fuck the network, what do they know.

Now Paige’s life is different. The cameras are gone, nobody screams her name, the paparazzi are non-existent. She just lives in a quite suburb of LA far from the glitz and glamour that once ruled her life. I guess Paige couldn’t handle her 15 minutes of fame…


What is Normal Anyway?

I’m a thinker, not a talker. I’m an introvert, not an extrovert. I often look around me and think “Is it me or has the world gone mad?” My workplace is filled with people who are nothing like me. Corporatism, hierarchy, office politics and salary are more important than empathy, understanding, common sense, rationale. It’s confusing when everyone around you is completely different. But after having dinner with a friend tonight I realised something: you can’t choose you’re work colleagues but you can choose to fill your life with friends and family. You can choose to create your own little world where everything is normal to YOU. Joey Essex may not be able to tell the time but in his world that’s fine. And maybe that’s all that matters…

Parents: They Do Fuck You Up

This Be The Verse by Philip Larkin

“They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself.”

This has got to be one of the best poems ever written. But the real question is “why do they fuck us up”. And it’s not just some parents, it’s MOST. I mean seriously, what is wrong with these people? And it’s even worse when they have more than one child. As Howard from Big Bang Theory says “The first child is a trial”. Yes very true. But then parents still mess up with the second child and the third child and so on and so forth. I’m 26 years old and I still haven’t had children yet. Why? Because I will probably FUCK THEM UP.

Short Story: Janie on the Run

Janie on the Run

Janie was very beautiful; long raven hair, big hazel eyes and a pretty smile. But she very rarely smiled; Janie had a very dark past that she was running away from.

One year ago exactly

Janie stood in the middle of the commotion wondering how she would ever escape what she had just witnessed. Steve did the very thing that he promised he wouldn’t but that she always suspected. He shot a man dead in the eye in Market Square. Only this time there were witnesses and she was one of them. Steve looked at Janie and charged at her trying to grab her. Janie ran as fast as she could getting lost in the crowd. Janie wondered around the streets for a while wondering where to go. It was nearing late afternoon and she wanted to be headed somewhere before it got too late. Just as Janie rounded the corner a bus came around and she put out her hand for it to stop. She used the last of her change to pay her fare and sat at the back of the bus contemplating where she was going to stay for tonight, where she was going to live, whether Steve would find her, what Steve was doing at this very moment. After what felt like an age the bus came to a complete stop at the terminus so she had to get off. Janie didn’t know where she was exactly but knew that she had arrived in a neighbourhood that was quite rough. Though she was quite street smart and could handle herself, she was still alone and had to find shelter and fast. As she walked along the cobble road she could see a rowdy gang yonder which she tried to avoid. She carried on walking past thankful that they didn’t approach her. To her right Janie saw a wrought iron gate and slid through it. Just at the moment out of her peripheral she saw Steve. How on Earth had he found Janie; he must have been following her, Shit! She hurried down the courtyard and slid into a wooden gate that was ajar and seemed to lead into the back of a shop; a barber shop to be more precise. There were a couple of customers in the shop and the barber, who asked “Can I help you young miss?” Janie burst into tears. The barber, Chris, led her into the back and made her a cup of tea which made her feel slightly better until she realised the magnitude of the situation and burst into tears again. Once the barber had shut up shop he offered to let her stay in the spare room until the morning.

Janie had a rough sleep that night tossing and turning and experiencing flashbacks of the horror from the night before. The way Steve had shot that man, how the man crumpled like a sack of shit, the look in Steve’s eye when he clocked that Janie had saw him. His eyes were black, dead. How had she not noticed that before. How could she love a man like that. Did she still love him? She honestly didn’t know. What kind of fool would love a murderer? How many people had he killed? Who was the real Steve? Chris the owner of the barber shop woke Janie rather early with breakfast and another cup of tea. She was actually getting to like Chris though she barely knew him. Chris was quite an old guy and he reminded Janie of her late granddad who died when she was 12 years old. Maybe that’s why she felt she could confide in him. What on Earth was she thinking telling Chris what had happened in the last 24 hours,? that she was a witness to a murder? But for some reason she felt that she could trust him. While Chris worked downstairs, Janie spent the day upstairs pottering around and observing out the tiny window. Maybe the neighbourhood wasn’t that bad after all. There were people hanging around the streets but they didn’t seem to be particularly causing any trouble they were just a little rowdy. Maybe there was not much to do around here… Whenever the shop was empty Chris would come in and check on her. Janie spent much of the day contemplating her next move. She didn’t want to take advantage of Chris and she needed a place to stay more permanently. Neither she nor Chris had mentioned what she would do tonight even after he had shut up shop. He offered to make her dinner so Janie casually asked if there were any hotels or lodges in the area. Chris looked slightly offended and said that she could stay as long as she wanted, as long as she helped out with running the barber shop and the flat upstairs.
So Janie settled in living above the barber shop. Although she had found out a couple of days later after that tragic night that Steve had been arrested and awaiting trial, she still felt scared. She never left the shop, she never left the courtyard. It was only several months later when she heard on the local radio that Steve had been sentenced to a jail sentence that she finally plucked up the courage to leave the courtyard. She even started chatting to the locals who came to the shop. They all loved Janie for she was a very beautiful young woman, inside and out. And although she felt OK about her new situation it always ate at her that she a witness to a crime. She felt like a bad person. A good person would’ve gone to the police, surely? But she just couldn’t, she was simply too scared. Too scared that he would still come looking for her.

Then she met somebody who changed her live. She didn’t know it yet, she didn’t even know his name. He was a new customer in the barber shop. She spotted him when she was in the small kitchen downstairs. He turned around, saw her through the string curtain in the doorway separating the back from the shop, and smiled at her. Janie was quite a shy woman and immediately fled back upstairs. He was a good looking guy, mousy brown wavy hair, medium build and a cute smile. Janie wondered why he had smiled at her the way he had. After an hour Janie went back downstairs, mainly because she was still in dire need of a cuppa (since the incident Janie was always rather tired.) [as she always seemed tired since the incident]. The man was still there. She told herself to get a grip and put the kettle on. As she waited for the kettle to boil the guy popped his head through the string curtain in the doorway. She told herself to smile at him but she couldn’t quite make it. Something about him made her feel star struck. “Hi” he said with a smile. “My name’s Tyler, nice to meet you.” At which point he put his hand out for her to shake. She froze and he immediately felt embarrassed so he just put his hand in his pocket to disguise his hand being stuck in mid-air. He tried to make conversation with Janie: “I haven’t seen you here before, do you work here?” Do I work here? Sort of, I’m on the run. Lacking though her social skills were, she knew she couldn’t say that to a complete and utter stranger. So she just nodded. Followed by a long and awkward pause, Janie wishing the kettle would just bloody boil already and Tyler wondering how he can ask her out without looking like a twat, so he broke the silence: “If you’re new around here maybe I can show you around, take you out sometime?”. “I can’t” replied Janie. “Oh, I’m sorry, are you seeing someone?” asked Tyler. “No, I just can’t” responded Janie turning her back on Tyler/him as she said it. Tyler said bye and left the shop rather quickly. Shit I scared him away. What is wrong with me? Janie felt really upset by her behaviour and cried for the rest of the evening. And she forgot to make her cuppa after all that.

Over the next few weeks Janie stayed upstairs as much as she could looking out the window hoping that she would spot Tyler and casually try to have a normal conversation with him. But she never saw him. She asked Chris about him but he said he was a new customer but from what he could gather, Tyler lives on the outskirts of the neighbourhood.

Then the day she had been waiting for finally came; Tyler came into the shop. She casually made her way downstairs to the kitchen. Through the string curtain she looked at him. Well more like stared. Tyler felt Janie staring at him so he turned to look at her then smiled and nodded at her whilst he did so. Janie managed to smile back this time. She pretended to busy herself in the kitchen until he popped his head through the string curtain for a second time. Janie promised herself that she would talk to him this time. “Hi” she said. Great conversation skills. “Hello” replied Tyler. “I’m sorry if I came on too strong last time. I just think that you’re very beautiful. Have you thought any more about my offer?” Janie still didn’t feel very confident going out. Especially when it was particularly busy or dark. It always reminded her of that night. “I can’t go out” stated Janie. Way to go. Janie was a hot mess. “Ohh Kaayyy” Tyler slowly said. “How about a picnic, here indoors. Friday afternoon?” Janie could only nod in shock and as Tyler left the barber shop, Janie genuinely smiled for what felt like years.

Friday came around fast and the date went very well. Tyler was already in love with Janie, even though she was damaged goods. She hadn’t told Tyler the whole truth about her past only that she was running away from something but he could sense that she was in pain. He didn’t want to pressure her, he just wanted to care for her and make her happy. He did make her happy. She felt happy when she kissed Tyler for the first time that Friday afternoon and she felt happy when he told her he loved her only a couple of weeks later. She felt even happier when Tyler said that his work would take him abroad and asked her to come with him to live in America.

Before they left for the US she told him the truth about her past and what she had been running away from. Tyler was very supportive and as they flew away from England Janie finally let go of her past. She didn’t have to run away anymore.